I’m sure everyone has mood swings, some more than others but probably consider them a part of roller coaster of life. I do too, but there’s also this side of me that seems to live inside, and from time to time it awakens and i become something else altogether.
This is not surprising, my friend Alex once mentioned the drastic differences in the many outlet of my creativity (photography, writing, and video). They are all glimpses of who I am, but with all of them they define who I am as a whole.
And perhaps it been what’s happening in the past few weeks: the drama at work, the new 2,450-calorie daily intake and workout routine along with the emotional ups and downs, somewhere along the way I was just sick of it all. With all the bullshit. I am sick of being the weak, emotionally-bound version of me, and I want to retaliate.
It’s almost like a multiple personality disorder. Instead of being detail-oriented and emotionally bound, apparently there was also this hyper masculine version of myself struggling to get out. Instead of being sharply dressed with everything pressed and buttoned, this version of me want chains, leather jackets and tattoos.
Maybe it’s a testosterone thing.
And for the first time in a long time I feel strong. There’s a sense of confidence laying in this pool of negativity. I don’t want trouble, but I do want to fight. Constantly. I want to beat your ass and transfer all my frustrations into kinetic energy.
I suppose the most accurate image I can relate to is Justice’s Stress music video below. I must stress that this is how I feel inside, but have no intention of living it out in real life. Watch it with discretion because the video is intense, and it is not for the faint of heart.
Just watch me burn
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Pingback on Apr 27th, 2009 at 22:32
[...] 27 April 2009 A few weeks ago, i posted an entry on how I had this alternate badass image of myself dying to come out. With that I wanted a leather [...]
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Wednesday, 25 March 2009 at 22:59
It made me uneasy reading about aggression rather than ambition, violence rather than determination from you. Frustration can be a great source for change and creativity. A person can be edgy *and* multi-facetted. Good thing I know you in person to keep a perspective. Thanks for the disclaimer and warning around the video. Needless to say, I found it unwatchable after the 1st minute.
Rethink the tattoo, will you?!